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How to get started? Just do something!

26 October 2018
I realized that I have a tendency to complicate things by overthinking and this often brings me to not do anything at all. Do you know this feeling ? Sometimes, you want a change in your life and you don't know what exactly you should do, so you start having an internal dialogue that brings questions with these 'Yes, but' answers that lead you to be very hesitant and do nothing at all! This can last for years. What would be my advice? Just start with something, anything, big or small, even very small. An action is a first step to change. In the action mode, you find solutions, things become clearer and next steps just appear naturally. You will ask me now, ok, but how to get started? Here are a couple of steps to go from an internal dialogue to an action mode :

" To start moving, you just need to have 5% of the answers to your questions, the other 95% come along the way. Those who want 100% of the answers to start moving remain stuck. "

Mike horn

Stop finding excuses

'I am tired', 'I don't have time', 'I am not good enough', whatever! I am not saying that you are not tired or that you have plenty of time, I am just saying that by thinking this way, you are putting yourself into that mood. You are bringing your 'mind's eye'* on it and by focusing on it, you block yourself to find other ways, to see other possibilities.

You are in control. You can stop these excuses by firstly not telling them out loud- when you speak something out loud, it becomes reality. By not talking about it, it will help you to find room to do something. Make space in your brain for other possibilities.

Clarify what is important for you (your values)

If you want a change, it's because there is something in your life which you are not satisfied with. I find it useful to ask yourself the following questions, you can take a paper and answer to them step by step - it won't take long, I promise! - :

Which needs are currently not satisfied in this situation ?
  • In a job for example: need of recognition, need to evolve in the company, need to be trained, etc.
  • In a relationship for example: need to be respected, need of security, etc.
What are the values that are not satisfied?

Once you have done the list of the needs above, it becomes quite easy to define the values one by one. (example: recognition, respect, security) This second list expresses what you want, instead of what you have right now. It gives you a first reading grid of what is important for you. Classify these values in 3 columns: essentials, important, nice to have. Keep this list aside, put it in a nice book or somewhere it feels right for you. These are your values, they deserve a nice spot in your house.

Identify what is motivating you

Answer the 2 questions below :
  • There was a time where this situation was suiting you. What was motivating you back then ?
  • Remember a moment when you were extra motivated by a situation, what exactly was motivating you ?

Here you will clarify what are your motivational factors. How do you concretely motivate yourself ?

For instance, I motivate myself when I feel trusted. I motivate myself when I am in a busy environment. I motivate myself when I can speak several languages, etc. It is concrete and it helps you to identify what you need right now to move on.

Once you have identified your values and your motivational factors, you have the first tools in your hand to get started with 'something' as a first step to a change.

Finally, take time to anchor these values in yourself

It is important to take time to anchor these values in you. They will help you to trust in yourself, in the actions you will take. Carry them as a Talisman. Be proud of them. Stand for what is important for you.

One of my value is tolerance. I should be proud of it. I carry my values with pride. You want to make fun of me because I am like this? Go ahead, I will not be ashamed of it.

How to anchor them?
  • By allowing time to be alone.
    It's great to be surrounded but this doesn't lead you to move on in your life. You have a great time, but in the end nothing really changes and the next day is a repetition of the day before, you don't make progress. Tonight, I could go out with friends for a drink, but I knew that I needed this time for myself, and here I am, writing an article! It just all came, because I took time for reflection.
  • By exercising in a peaceful way.
    Why not taking 10 to 15 minutes every morning to be with yourself, stretching, meditating. I know, it sounds a bit like a cliché! I couldn't really do it until a coach challenged me to do it for 21 days! - That rule of 21 days** is crazy, you should try it to believe it! - And now, I cannot live without it anymore.
  • By talking to people, who want you well.
    They will listen to you, support you and give you the energy to go for what you want even if you don't really know what you want right now. You would be surprised to see that they know you so well, that they understand what you need (sometimes better than you!) and will push you to what makes you happy.

So, that's it! You can now start whatever you want to! Just start something that is in line with your values, who you are, and things will come naturally along the way. I love this quote from Mike Horn (translated from french)' To start moving, you just need to have 5% of the answers to your questions, the other 95% come along the way. Those who want 100% of the answers to start moving remain stuck.'

So you know what you have to do!

Audrey Bartolomei

Notes

--- This is my very first article, if you like it, just celebrate it with me! This is an achievement and we should always be proud of it! :-) ---
* concept I learned from George Kohlrieser, Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behavior at IMD Business School
** A study showed that to change a habit/ a behavior, you need to act differently everyday during 21 days. Test it and let me know what you think about it!

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